Awkward Ape

How I love airplanes!
How the rickety stilts of my legs love this ample angularity!
How I love selecting my own seat online knowing
they prefer you do that so you’re less likely to complain about the view
as the aluminium missile you strapped yourself into
falls like a drunk barfly out of the ungrateful sky.

There is an awkward ape with giant yellow eyes
sitting beside me,
listening to Van Halen at full volume.
He came on drunk laughing,
sratching a giant white belly
and fumbled the seatbelt for days.
256 kilometres (13 minutes) ago,
he fell to ripsawing drooling sleep.
8 kilometres (32 seconds) ago his grinning monkey masked head
fell on my shoulder
and now it seems he wants to snuggle.

I just warned a stewardess
that if he puts his hairy paw on my thigh,
I will beat his face in with this think box,
drop an anvil through the floor,
take Van Halen’s advice
and go ahead and jump.

She looked at me like I was a loaded shotgun
and she was the last African elephant.
How I love airplanes!

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